How Meditation Prepares Us for the Holidays with Family
Staying grounded when no one else is
I could feel her burning gaze without even turning my head. Cocktails were flowing freely. I could not bring myself to look at her. I didn’t feel safe. I had heard her say things in the past I didn’t agree with, and I knew it may come up again.
I had been preparing for Thanksgiving. I had been meditating every day, and I was ready to respond in a grounded way to whatever comments or actions came whizzing by. I was going to limit my alcohol intake to one glass of champagne and be compassionate and easy-going. I had been visualizing whatever shit thrown my way with love and empathy. My plan was to not shut down and make myself small, as I often did in the past, for protection and not to take anything personally.
And then, out of nowhere, it happened.
I wasn’t paying attention, and the family member decided she needed to figure out a way to get into my visual space. The perfect storm; she moved into my orbit and space, raised her voice, scolded me like a child, and erupted my inner peace. Spouting off about not helping with the dishes, even though the request to help earlier responded with no. And I was pissed.
Did I respond with love and empathy the way I had been training? Was I grounded at that particular moment? Nope.
It triggered my inner child. I acted like a child and all my meditative work and inner peace was gone. Taught as a child to always do the right thing and be gracious in someone else’s house triggered my old insecurities of not pleasing someone for fear of not being liked. Screw that! I stormed off angrily and spouted my own obscenities, and thankfully my husband told me just to go walk it off for fear of a larger eruption to ensue. I felt attacked, and I was angry.
“If you think you’re enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” — Ram Dass
Here’s where the meditation training comes in.
Walking. Going through all the valid emotions with a close friend and letting off the steam with some truth-telling about how I really felt about this person. The wounded child spouted and erupted like a volcano. I would move through it, take a deep breath, go back, and say, “Thank you for dinner. Good night.” It wasn’t exactly the grounded place I wanted to be.
And the next day, I went high, knowing she would go low. “I’m sorry you didn’t feel supported last night. I realize you have been working hard and wanted some help. It appeared the kids had helped quite a bit and when I asked to help, you said no, it’s ok. But you cannot speak to me that way.”
Nothing.
I repeated, “I’m sorry you did not feel supported last night, but you cannot speak to me that way.”
Nothing again but a vacant look. Awkward. Another test.
When people are upset or angry, it is often not about what they spout on about. It wasn’t about the dishes. It’s always something deeper. An unresolved blocked issue. I will never know what her issues are, and I release that.
Lessons Learned —
- Do not hold someone else’s “hot potato.” It’s not yours to hold, and you might get burned if you hold on too long. Release the emotion back to them. It is their emotion not yours.
- Continue to meditate because every time you notice an emotion it will be easier to recognize it and move through. We are not our emotions.
- Stand up for yourself and go high, even when someone will inevitably go low.
We are only human and we are bound to have moments when we may not like the way we handle situations from time to time. The point of it all is to allow yourself to BE human and learn from mistakes. How else do you grow? Meditation is the key to it all for self-love, compassion, empathy and a more fulfilling life and relationships.
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