Compartmentalizing in Relationships and Business — Good or Bad?
What’s the difference between compartmentalizing in relationships and in business? Is it an inherent trait or one that is developed? Is it helpful in both areas of life?
I had a friend, from way back in my twenties, who had mastered the art of compartmentalizing his life. He was able to be laser-focused and present in whatever scenario presented. I admired it at first but then realized he was quite guarded. I thought it was a great way to be organized and present with every situation but the guarded quality as a means to the compartmentalizing felt detached.
Psychology says it is a defense mechanism or coping strategy that allows our mind to deal with internal conflicts simultaneously. We all group our emotions into pockets of our life depending on when or who we are spending time with. While this may be helpful to those in dealing with trauma or grief, it can be used to numb out and avoid.
A positive aspect of compartmentalizing when grounded and not scattered is can work well so as long as the person communicates their intentions well. However, compartmentalizing relationships can also be harmful to the person being put in this box. It can be narcissistic and insensitive to the one being compartmentalized especially when they seem “on” and want friendship from you. Here are some signs to watch out for:
>> They aren’t ready for a committed relationship.
>> They have plans with you when it is convenient for them and not flexible with your schedule or needs.
>> They are emotionally unavailable. Someone who creates barriers around themselves to avoid any kind of intimacy.
Remember you are not the center of their world and don’t try to convince them that you would like to be, it won’t work. These people are like protective steel not letting anyone in who they are not ready for.
Compartmentalizing in business is totally different and can be quite helpful. For instance, a doctor who sees patients all day decides to not think about the patients when they come home. Work is left at work and therefore the person can be completely present with what is at home. In extreme cases, soldiers may have to file away their trauma from horrifying events so they can continue with their jobs. However, in this case, it’s simply pushing it down and will eventually come up again so it is a temporary solution.
There are times in a work office setting where there are stressful meetings or presentations where the spotlight is heightened. There may be a major deadline a person is facing and yet there are sensitive issues going on at home at the same time as a divorce or a sick child.
For instance, some of my best work was when I was in crisis at home with a sick child. It may seem like a contradiction but when I was at work and knew I could only focus on work I was able to be laser-focused. It gave my mind a break from the intensity of home and I welcomed the distraction.
Here are a few ways for positive compartmentalizing in business:
>>Isolate and focus only on what is right in front of you for a short period of time.
>>Move forward in specific incremental steps and when progress is being made close the “door” and move on to another task.
>>Say “no” to requests or items that don’t apply to the specific areas of focus you are working to achieve.
There will always be times in our lives when we need to compartmentalize in order to achieve goals or perhaps to protect ourselves or to get through a tough time. In business, this can work well when there’s no emotional attachment. However, when it comes to personal relationships, I’d err on honesty and have the awareness when you are being unattached and guarded because it comes off as selfish narcissism. As for that friend, who was so good at compartmentalizing, that ended a long time ago. Compartmentalizing to the point of guardedness simply doesn’t work for me. If they don’t help you glow, time to let them go.
